I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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