Rock
Scissors
Fuck
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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