dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize