I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
