I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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