I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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