How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
