So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
