so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
