guys are not supposed to queef...right?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
