3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
