I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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