I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
