my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Randomize
