Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
