Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
