So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
