My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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