He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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