I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
