I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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