Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i drank out of a bidet.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
