never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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