oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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