I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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