we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
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