FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
