We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
