Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
