Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
