Will you blow on my dice?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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