i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
