Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
