All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
