I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
