she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
