I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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