Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
