i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Randomize
