I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
