just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Randomize
