wrigley field is MILF paradise
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I know her cup size but not her name....
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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