I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
