you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
