The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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