I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
