this beer tastes like vomit already
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize