I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
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