Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize