I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
