...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
