You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
