She said her name was "party"
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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