I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
