good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
