She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
