sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
