i need an iv and a liver transplant
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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