You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
