turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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