Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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