a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
