I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
