just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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