i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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