I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
