Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
