I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
We are all done wearing pants today
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
