Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
