I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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