mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
