McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
