My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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