WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
